Relationship Evaluation

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Everyone dreaded report card day in school and if you are dreading making your own relationship report card, then you need to buckle down and study!  When you rank all of the aspects of your relationship between you and your spouse, you need to score in the high nineties to achieve an A+.  Consider creating a ‘relationship report card’ with your spouse and watch the awakening you will both experience.  When you try to complete your relationship report card, it should not turn into a ‘blame game’.  It should open the lines of communication and offer some invaluable insight into your relationship as to where you need changes and improvements.

When you consider how you want to grade your partner and yourself, it is a good idea to have some pre-set guidelines as to what each grade means.  For example, an ‘A’ might mean that your partner isn’t perfect, but obviously excelling.  It could also mean that your partner is loving, attentive, enthusiastic and satisfying.  A ‘B’ could stand for a partner who is always trying, better than most and consistently works on improvement.  A ‘C’ might mean average or acceptable.  ‘C’s’ always indicate plenty of room for improvement.  ‘D’s’ and ‘F’s’ should be reserved for unhappy situations or even hopeless ones.  ‘D’s’ indicate never hopeless while ‘F’s’ require more than just a relationship evaluation.  If you find that you and your spouse have areas with a ‘D’ or an ‘F’, you need to focus on why you are giving or receiving those grades and commit to some kind of action in order to change and improve that grade.  It might involve a commitment on both spouses, but if both are willing to work at it the grade is already moving higher.

When you begin working on your relationship report card, it should be graded the same way your school papers were graded with a number grade (ex. 80%, 50%, 95% and so on).  Grade both your partner and yourself in areas like affection, ability to resolve conflict, attitude, commitment, communication skills, consideration level, thinking as a ‘couple’, creativity, sensitivity, flexibility, generosity, friendship and gift giving skills.  Once you’ve completed that list, continue to evaluate your honesty levels, listening skills, household management skills, patience, love making, romance abilities and practice, playfulness, self-esteem, self-awareness, sense of humor, empathy, tolerance and spontaneity.  If you feel that there are any other areas relevant to your particular relationship, feel free to add and evaluate at your discretion.

When you and your spouse are grading each other, be sure to both participate in grading.  You can work out your own particulars, but make sure you both have a say in both of your grades.  Compare and talk about your grades and why your partner believes you deserve a particular grade (this includes the good grades, too!).  You’ll be surprised at how your partner sees your relationship and you’ll have invaluable insight into how he or she sees your role in the relationship.  Just because you may not have earned an A+ in one area doesn’t mean that you can’t celebrate.  Pat yourself (and your partner) on the back for anything over a ‘B’ and talk about ways you can improve on any ‘C’s’ and ‘D’s’.

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